Mooching through the woods the other day I saw a very fat dog and suddenly remembered what the people at the rescue centre said about me when I was handed over.
‘Cairn terrier, crossed with a Border terrier…she’s had very little exercise and far too much food. She’s a bit on the portly side…’
A bit on the portly side, indeed. It made me sound like a fat-bellied old man suffering from gout. Honestly, the cheek…
I am not – repeat not – crossed with a Border terrier. I’m just cross with them. Every time I meet one of the yappy little things, it brings out the devil in me. I want to race them round the park but when I try to run I get breathless.
More exercise, less food
‘I think I’ve found you a new friend,’ the rescue centre lady told me. ‘If you like each other you’ll be going to a family with lots of lovely people whose last little friend has gone to doggie heaven. D’you think you could love them like their other dog did?’
I wagged my tail, gave the lady a big licky kiss and two days later met my new family.
The human who was to be all mine saw me, went gooey-eyed and tickled my ears. She told me I was beautiful – which, of course, I am.
She promised to give me lots of exercise and to put me on a diet.
Squeaky toys, fleecy bed
She popped me in her car and took me home to meet the rest of her family. They all thought I was wonderful, led me to a box of squeaky and other toys, showed me my fleecy-lined bed. I investigated the house first, then the garden.
Next stop, the vet, for a full-body check… heart, lungs, teeth, ears, paws, tail, undercarriage. Everything was fine and dandy until…
He put me on the scales and found that I weighed 15 kilos, when I should only have weighed 12.
‘I’m going to put Suzie on a diet of High Oats,’ he said. ‘It’s a complete dried food, free from artificial flavourings, colourings and preservatives. Perfect for little fatties. Give her 80 kg a day, two good walks and bring her back in a month. We’ll soon have her slim.”
Fit and healthy
Flash forward a month.
The vet has just weighed me again and yippee I’ve lost two kilos. By Christmas I’ll be right on target and all ready for a taste of turkey.
I’m not breathless any more and I don’t pant when I run uphill. I’m fit, healthy and raring to go.
Border terriers, watch out. Here I come…
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